10 Things in Melbourne That Take Longer Than Katy Perry’s Trip to Space

If “Katy Perry taking flight” wasn’t on your 2025 bingo card, same. It got us thinking… a trip to space now takes 10 minutes. TEN. So why does getting from Brunswick to St Kilda still feel like an interstellar mission?

In the spirit of rocket-speed reality checks, here are a few very Melbourne things that somehow take longer than launching into orbit—from trying to leave Costco’s car park on a Sunday to ordering a latte when the barista’s also DJing. Strap in, because space has nothing on peak-hour Swan Street.

1. Finding a park in Fitzroy on a Saturday night

You might as well parallel park on Mars—it’s less stressful.

2. Waiting for your almond flat white when the barista is also hand-pouring a V60, DJing, and chatting about Bergman films

Art takes time.

3. Escaping the Costco Docklands car park on a weekend

Truly the final frontier. We live in hope of its new location.

4. Getting through the Burnley Tunnel at 5:17pm

You’ll age three years and still be in the same lane.

5. Deciding where to eat on Lygon Street with a group of four

It starts as dinner and turns into group therapy.

6. Lining up at Lune Croissanterie on a cold winter morning

Worth it? Of course, Lune is iconic. Fast? Never.

7. Trying to leave Chadstone during a sale

You could orbit Earth twice before merging out of the car park.

8. Ordering dumplings at a BYO hotspot when your friends are already tipsy

“Let’s get everything” turns into a 20-minute chaotic scroll through the menu.

9. Waiting for the (you know the one) tram in a downpour

Especially when you just saw it leave on the app.

10. Walking the entire Prahran Market with zero food plan

You entered for one tomato and left with elk salami, artisanal honey, and a small olive tree.

BONUS: Melbourne Meals That Take Longer Than Katy Perry’s Space Jaunt

The 16-Hour Smoked Brisket from Fancy Hanks, CBD

It’s smoked so slowly it might be aging in reverse. By the time it hits your plate, it’s already written its will and joined a jazz band.

The Multi-Course Degustation at Attica, Ripponlea

Ben Shewry doesn’t serve food. He serves existential crises on artisanal ceramics. Somewhere around course 7, you realise you’re being emotionally dismantled by fermented potato.

72-Hour Sourdough from Wild Life Bakery, Brunswick East

It’s bread. But it’s also a relationship. It needs love, proofing, and an artisanal playlist to rise correctly. Unlike Katy’s trip to space, it doesn’t peak in 600 seconds.

Pho That Simmered Since Before You Were Born – Pho Hung Vuong Saigon, Footscray

This broth has seen things. Fought wars. Loved deeply. It’s complex, aromatic, and absolutely takes longer to develop than Katy’s zero-gravity TikTok. 

So there you have it — in a world where Katy Perry can rocket into space in under ten minutes, we’re still stuck waiting for our tram in the rain. But hey, would we trade our artful almond lattes and overthought dumpling and ramen orders for anything else? Probably not. This is Melbourne, after all — we run on caffeine, chaos, and just a little bit of cosmic delusion.

Writer

Kelsey Harrington

15 April 2025

Kelsey Harrington is a Melbourne-based writer with a sharp eye for the city's ever-evolving food, wine, arts, and culture scene. Her journey into the creative industry took the scenic route—what started as a passion for capturing Melbourne’s energy through a camera lens led her to Sitchu, where she worked her way up to Melbourne Editor. With over four years in the industry, she’s all about uncovering the best places to eat, drink, and explore. Off the clock? You’ll find her diving into a platter of fresh oysters and crudo, gallery-hopping, or sipping an extra dirty martini while plotting her next adventure.